Medical Questions » Emotions Questions » Question No. 309
| Question: | My best friend' s mother has just died, and she is naturally very upset. How can I best help her? |
| Answer: | The way in which an individual accepts death will depend a great deal upon his/her personal philosophies and beliefs, be they religious or otherwise. Western society is sometimes very harsh on the bereaved. We expect the stiff upper lip, and tend to leave them alone, in silence, and full of heart-rending memories that can take months or years to dissipate.
Psychologists have described different stages of grief that are experienced by both the dying and those remaining behind. The five classic stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Doctors watch to ensure that thete is a steady progression from one stage to the next, intervening if the individual appears to become held up unduly at one point to prevent prolonged bouts of depression.
There are steps that those close to the mourners can take to help them to recovery. It does not matter if we are referring to the person about to die, or those who are left behind. Both will grieve.
Do not isolate these people; maintain normal social contacts and activities. They do not want to be left alone most of the time, but don' t go to the other extreme and start a round of frantic activity that leaves them with less time than usual for their own use. Listen and talk appropriately. A sympathetic ear, and someone who can support them emotionally is a great help to those involved. Talking always seems to make things seem easier and clearer.
Be a good friend in the true sense of the word, and be sensitive to the slight indications that are given out requesting physical help, privacy, distraction, and empathy during the natural process of grieving.
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